hope is the thing with feathers

abandonedporn: (by odin’s_raven) Jody keeps ringing me. My...

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 18:48:44 +0000

(by odin’s_raven)

Jody keeps ringing me. My phone is vibrating in my pocket. I don’t want to hear what she has to say because I know. I know.

I’ve searched through every book I could find. I - I drank myself half to death and barely stopped myself from summoning Crowley. I didn’t though. I didn’t. But I can’t get you out, Dean. Cas.

And now I’m praying to a God who doesn’t care any more to bring Dean back to me, in a deserted, broken down church, uneven ground digging into my knees. It’s so beautiful. Those windows. I can’t look away.

Come back before I do something stupid. Come back.

There’s a crossroads a half hour drive back. I’ve been circling it for days and Jody hasn’t stopped ringing me. Missouri.

I promised myself I would never let it go that far again. So I’m in a abandoned church (it is fitting, though, isn’t it) and I’m praying that I don’t.

I can’t. I can’t do it again. So.

So.

Is this goodbye?

abandonedporn: Together Do you know what I miss? Just you and...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 22:00:14 +0000

abandonedporn:

Together

Do you know what I miss?

Just you and me, Dean, riding in the Impala. Every time. Every single time. When we were kids, fighting over stupid things. Our toy soldiers. Those lego pieces that rattled around the place. Tattered magazines and Dad yelling from the frontseat.

When we were teenagers and the times you’d sit in the back with me were the best.

When you came for me in Stanford.

You and me driving nowhere.

You and me, still in the Impala, old and broken and ‘til the end.

I keep drowning.

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 21:48:39 +0000

I haven’t left the Impala. I’m going numb. I can’t feel my lips. I’m still lying down on the back seat, staring up at the roof.

Did you know that the markings you left are still there, from the year you sold your soul. Counting down the days still you went to Hell. I don’t think you know I’d found them. Dean, I spent hours in this car when you. When you died. Just like this. And then I collected all my parts, put them together with duct-tape and demon blood, and tried to get you out.

It always seemed so weird to me, that you would damage the Impala, your baby, like that. And then I realised, you wanted her to remember you. You wanted to know that something would have your mark on it.

Dean.

letsbuildahome-fr: Zoltan Bekefy “O C E A N” An ocean of...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 21:31:58 +0000

letsbuildahome-fr:

Zoltan Bekefy “O C E A N”

An ocean of things I don’t know. I can’t find Dean or Castiel, anybody. I can’t see. I can’t swim.

I can’t breathe. I can’t —

I keep dreaming that Dean is at the end of the pier, sitting...

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 19:22:06 +0000

I keep dreaming that Dean is at the end of the pier, sitting with a beer hanging between his fingers, but every time I walk towards him, the boards warp and twist and fall away.

The seas close over them, lick at my feet, and you won’t even look at me, Dean. Why won’t you look at me?

And then flames creep around the edge of my vision until everything I am burns away.

I’m sleeping in the car. It still smells like leather and gun oil in the front seat. I can...

Sat, 03 Nov 2012 18:53:26 +0000

I’m sleeping in the car. It still smells like leather and gun oil in the front seat. I can pretend.

I need to get up. I need to get them out.

I need to get up.

Get. Up.

andrewharlow: Tommy ForbesUntitled, 2012Photograph I’m...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 19:26:52 +0100

andrewharlow:

Tommy Forbes
Untitled, 2012
Photograph

I’m looking back at the marks I’ve left on the field. I could crash. I’d ruin all my hard work and Dean would kill me if I destroyed his baby again. But I keep looking back.

The car is fixed, beautiful and like nothing has happened. It cost me an arm and a leg, but, really,...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 18:13:00 +0100

The car is fixed, beautiful and like nothing has happened. It cost me an arm and a leg, but, really, it’s not like I’m the one who’s paying.

It’s weird, sitting in the passenger seat and the nothing but emptiness behind the wheel, an echoing space. It’s better, sitting here, than sitting in the cabin. I keep expecting Dean to just stroll in through the door, like nothing has happened, and the last few weeks were a fever dream. Sitting in the Impala, I know, it’s so obvious, that nothing is right.

It’s better that way.

I think I’m going to go drive. I picked up all the glass from the inside of the car and my hands are cut up, so it hurts to wrap my hands around the wheel - ten and two, Sammy, gotta do it right - but it’s okay.

It doesn’t matter.

I’m fine.

nesola: Harry Bloom I’ve pushed out all the dents in the...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:18:09 +0100

nesola:

Harry Bloom

I’ve pushed out all the dents in the Impala, she looks sleek, her tires no longer flat. But the front windscreen is gone and there’s a rattle that would make Dean cringe.

And nothing but trees surround me. Mist and the echoes of eerie birdsong, the breaking of twigs —

Nothing to worry about.

I… I’m not sure what to do. There’s nothing I can do. I will not bring Jody and...

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 21:19:00 +0100

I…

I’m not sure what to do. There’s nothing I can do. I will not bring Jody and Missouri into this. This is my fight, my family’s fight.

I’m the only one that’s left here. And I want to give up.

How can I get Dean back? Cas can’t hear me. No one can h—

I’m going to do the only thing I can.

The Impala lies broken in the yard. I have to fix it.

Photo

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 12:17:54 +0100

I should have known.

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 12:01:00 +0100

I should have known!

Where do Leviathan come from? Where do monsters go when they die?

I called Jody back. She told me what Missouri said.

“And I quote, Sam, ‘tell that fool to stop poisoning himself and use his damn head. They’re not here. You won’t find them here on Earth. I can’t feel them.’

“Sam, she said to ask yourself ‘Where do monsters go when they die?’”

Where do Leviathan come from? Where do monsters go when they die?

Purgatory.

How am I going to get them out of Purgatory?

Jody left me a message, and after she yelled at me for not answering and worrying the crap outta...

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 11:45:56 +0100

Jody left me a message, and after she yelled at me for not answering and worrying the crap outta her, she told me that someone had called her.

“Missouri. She said her name was Missouri.”

God, I never thought I’d hear from Missouri again. I hadn’t even thought about her for years.

“Call me back, Sam. Let me know if you’re still alive.”

My phone is beeping and I have no idea where I left it. God, it’s probably Jody. My cheeks...

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 14:37:24 +0100

My phone is beeping and I have no idea where I left it.

God, it’s probably Jody. My cheeks are hot with embarrassment. I hope she doesn’t ream me out.

Back at the cabin. There are bottles piled up on the table. I flung one at the wall last night and...

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 01:03:04 +0100

Back at the cabin. There are bottles piled up on the table. I flung one at the wall last night and it shattered, the wall is stained and there’s glass on the floor.

I don’t even care.

Dean is alive but for how long? How the hell do I figure out where he is? Where they both are?

Dick died and exploded. And then they were gone. Where did they go?

I never realised how far off the road the cabin is. Hunters are a paranoid lot. How are Dean and...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 23:27:00 +0100

I never realised how far off the road the cabin is. Hunters are a paranoid lot.

How are Dean and Cas coping? They’re alive but where? Are they here, but somewhere I can find? Are they surrounded by monsters they can’t hide from?

No. No, stop. This isn’t helping. Get it together and keep it together. They’re relying on you.

I have to get them out.

wbsloan: Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right Made my way onto...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 22:00:37 +0100

wbsloan:

Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right

Made my way onto the road. Not as far out as I thought I was, but Jesus Christ, how the hell did I get over here? It’s a good 10 miles from the safehouse. I have vague memories of walking

~~I was running from Lucifer, there were black-eyed hounds chasing me, He had them on a leash, fire licking at his heels and ice in his laughing eyes~~

but nothing concrete.

My head is splitting, my ears are ringing, I have twigs in my hair and blisters on my feet but dammit, I can’t help but grin.

They’re alive.

Is that it? Is that all I fucking get?! Fuck. Okay. Okay. Calm down, Sam, Dean’s alive....

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:18:57 +0100

Is that it? Is that all I fucking get?!

Fuck.

Okay. Okay. Calm down, Sam, Dean’s alive. Dean’s alive. They’re both alive.

But where the fuck are they?

Aaaaaaaaaagh! Fuck!

Nearly up-chucked all over myself, pain in my head is making me so nauseous.

Sam... Sam... SAM! A--Alive. We're alive-- Sam-- Dean and I. We're----

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:08:00 +0100

Cas. Cas? CAS! Oh fuck.

I can’t hear you. You — oh jesus, my head — you keep breaking up —

You’re alive. Dean’s alive. Oh God, Dean’s alive. Cas, Cas, are you guys okay?!

Where are you?

Cas?

CAS?

I’ve managed to climb up the hill, nothing but trees and hills around me. Why did I think...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 17:02:00 +0100

I’ve managed to climb up the hill, nothing but trees and hills around me. Why did I think touching Dean’s bottle of whatever the hell that was, musta been 90 percent proof or something ridiculous (tastes like paint stripper), was a good idea.

And a safe house in the middle of nowhere, when mixed with that bottle of paint stripper, equals a disaster and me lost. Brilliant, Sam, so brilliant, oh yeah, no wonder you got into Stanford with brains like that, you should be so proud.

Fuck, my head. I’ve never had a hangover this bad. My head keeps pulsing and there’s this ringing in my ears.

Jesus. Something isn’t right.

It’s too bright, everything’s too much, there’s this copper tang at the back of my throat -

- fuck, fuck, no, this is not happening, no, it’s been years since I had a vision -